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There's Never Enough Time
Give Yourself a Most Important Gift This Holiday Season: The Time
of Your Life
When we get right down to it we have to draw one inescapable conclusion:
time is our most important asset. And like most assets, there never
seems to be enough of it. There are always so many things to do,
so many pressures, so many things to keep track of. Our lives seem
to whiz by, and where has our time gone? (Can you believe that
this is the end of the year and the holidays are upon us again?)
If time is our most important asset, why do we know so little about
it? Why do we stay so busy yet accomplish so little? Are our accomplishments
all that important in the overall scheme of our lives?
Think what modern-day life encourages us to do. We need to keep
up with the news, drive to work, perform meritoriously on the job,
work overtime, maintain a spiritual life, have many friends and
a few deeper relationships, be a good partner and perhaps a good
parent, keep up with TV and movies and books and music and all
the new ideas, travel, have several hobbies, dress in the right
fashions, learn about the Internet, keep good credit, be a good
neighbor and participant in the community, do volunteer work, take
classes, exercise, and so it goes. It is little wonder that many
of us feel so pressured. In the end, what really matters, is how
well we have lived, not necessarily how much we have done.
Like all things natural, our bodies have
internal rhythms. There are times during the day, or even the month
or the year, when we do things well, quickly and easily. We have
spurts of energy when we are at our best. And there are other times
when our bodies cry out for rest, for down time. To try to be at
your most productive during this part of the cycle is futile, and
it leads to a great increase in stress on your body. This is one
factor related to some disturbing societal trends: the incidence
of cardiovascular and immune-deficiency diseases in American over
the last few decades has been astounding, not to mention the increase
in rates of depression, family destruction, and substance abuse.
Many cultures incorporate these natural
body cycles into the rhythms of daily life: think of the English
with their afternoon tea or Hispanic cultures with the afternoon
siesta when virtually everything closes down. In
America we punish ourselves for feeling less than productive
at all times. We drink another cup of coffee for its caffeine
rush, and then we plod ahead, trying to accomplish all we can
even when our bodies are crying out for some R&R time.
We lose awareness of our need to rest, to do nothing. The irony
of all this, of course, is that if we could get in touch with the
body's natural rhythms, alternating between periods of activity
and rest, we would be much more productive in the long run.
A Harris poll found that the average American had 37 percent more
leisure time in 1973 than in 1990, and that was thirteen years
ago! All of our technological advances, like computers, faxes,
cellular phones, pagers, e-mail, and computerized machines everywhere,
don't really give us more time, contrary to popular myth. If anything,
they contribute to time pressure. Giving in to this pressure serves
to isolate us from other people so that we no longer have the time
for easy personal conversation that tends to buffer us from anxiety
and disease. We easily anger when someone slows us down or interrupts
our concentration. We pay more attention to small, urgent details
rather than developing an awareness of the most important things
in our lives. Our self-esteem drops when we feel that we can never
keep up or do all that we should be doing. We may lose sleep, eat
poorly, avoid exercise, and rely on sweets, alcohol or drugs to
keep us going.
Until the Middle Ages, there were no clocks.
Other cultures even now measure time more in terms of seasons or
other natural cycles than by hours and minutes. Just a generation
or two ago people had much more free time just to be, to enjoy,
to develop more meaningful relations. This is not to suggest that
we should go back in time, because we cannot. But we do need to
get in touch with our more natural internal rhythms which are a
primary source of stability and health and to incorporate this
awareness into our everyday lives. Rather than trying to squeeze
more activities into the time we have available, it may be more
helpful to examine what is really meaningful in our lives and to
devote our time to those pursuits. In other words, we may need
to develop a new relationship...both with ourselves and to time.
Some Steps to Taking Ownership of Your Time
| |
Take
a periodic review of what is important in your life. The
holiday season is a perfect time to look back on the year
(actually, some people use New Year's Eve for this purpose!).
Reflect on how you have spent the year, what you have accomplished
and how it fits into what you want in your life. What is
really important in your life? What do you value most?
You may want to make a list to note the things you want
to keep and the things you should throw out of your life.
You may even conclude that cutting back on work, although
it might reduce your income, will actually improve the
overall quality of your life. Does the extra money really
buy you the things that are most important, especially
when you don't have the time to enjoy them? (Could it really
be true that the best things in life are free?) |
| |
When
in doubt, choose simplicity. Our world presents so many
possibilities that it is impossible to keep up with everything.
Do we really need to watch every episode of a favorite
TV show? Are our lives going to be any different if we
stop watching the news every night? Do we really need a
pager or a cellular phone? Rather than spending a fortune
on entertainment or a night out, wouldn't a quiet night
talking to a close friend at home be more meaningful? Do
we need to give expensive gifts when a handmade greeting
would convey the same message? The simpler choices allow
us more time to get in touch with things that really matter. |
| |
Move
into the present. Our lives
become a melange of schedules and our thoughts seem to
focus on what is "out there." Our
rhythms are determined by the pressured world we inhabit.
We become more concerned with the "there and then," and
not with the "here and now." A beneficial exercise
is to make time throughout the day just to experience the
moment. Immerse yourself in the present. Become aware of
your internal state. At these times stresses can soften.
Let this inner awareness, rather than the external frenzy,
guide your everyday experience. This is the clue to learning
about what is truly important in your life. Absorbing yourself
in the present moment is exhilarating and can make you
feel truly alive. Your internal knowledge is now the source
of what controls your life, not the mundane pressures of
the world around you. |
| |
Travel
to the beat of your own drum. Your body has its own rhythms.
Learn what they are. Some of us are night-owls and some
of us are larks (or morning people). Some of us have slumps
in mid-afternoon. The value of being true to your body's
cadences is inestimable. Respect what your body is trying
to tell you. All of nature follows a cyclical pattern (hot
to cold, day to night, activity to hibernation). Humans
have periods of productivity and energy followed by a need
for rest. We need to cycle from doing to being. |
|
Some of us have become so accustomed
to adapting to the pressure of the external world that we have
lost awareness of our internal state. The "high" that
accompanies our adaptation to the stresses of modern life becomes
something like an addiction. The busier we are, the more we feel
alive. Yet our anxieties increase and we lose track of the experiences
which truly matter. Our health deteriorates, our relationships
become superficial, and our sense of our own self evaporates.
We long for something meaningful and we lack the tools for finding
it. The solution to the dilemma involves a paradox: we gain time
by giving up time.
This is the holiday season, a time for gifts. Plan a gift for
yourself this holiday season: take control of the time of your
life. After all, your emotional wellness matters.
Give Yourself a Real Holiday Gift!
We rush around too much of the time, a pattern
which is difficult to break. Try these simple ways of claiming
your time as your own.
| • |
Can
you get by without wearing a watch (or a pager)? Try it
out for a day...and maybe much longer. |
| • |
Drive
5 mph slower, and stay in the slow lane. |
| • |
Eliminate
watching the news on TV most of the week (it does increase
your stress!), and listen to peaceful music instead. |
| • |
Get
in the longest grocery line and take your time just to
watch the people and enjoy the experience. |
| • |
Go
somewhere by yourself (it doesn't matter where), and enjoy
your time alone. |
| • |
Focus
completely on whatever task or activity you are doing without
being distracted by anything else or other thoughts. This
can happen whether you are washing the dishes, listening
to a friend, or attending a meeting. |
| • |
Make
your work environment more pleasant: rearrange things,
change pictures on the wall, bring in a bouquet of flowers,
eliminate clutter. |
| • |
Notice
the things that satisfy you in your daily life...and when
they come up, focus on your enjoyment. |
| • |
When
you feel productive, get totally involved in the task.
When you feel a slump coming on, sit back until it passes. |
| • |
Take
out half an hour just to sit...and do nothing. |
|
Try This Simple Exercise...Right Now
(This will only take a minute or so.)
| • |
Stop
whatever you are doing. |
| • |
Switch
your focus from the external situation to your internal
state. |
| • |
Close
your eyes. |
| • |
Tell
yourself: "I'm bringing myself into the present." |
| • |
Without
changing the rate at which you are breathing, pay attention
as you inhale and exhale. |
| • |
Each
time you breathe bring your awareness more into your internal
state. |
| • |
If
you have any thoughts or hear sounds in the background,
just let them go: focus only on your breathing and your
body's natural rhythm. |
| • |
After
a short time, go back to what you were doing. |
|
(Now, try doing this several times a day!)
Working
Resources is a Leadership Consulting, Training and Executive Coaching
Firm Helping Companies Assess, Select, Coach and Retain Emotionally
Intelligent People; Emotional Intelligence-Based Interviewing and
Selection; Multi-Rater 360-Degree Feedback; Career Coaching; Change
Management; Corporate Culture Surveys and Executive Coaching.
Dr. Maynard Brusman
Consulting Psychologist and Executive Coach
Trusted Advisor to Senior Leadership Teams
Subscribe to Working Resources FREE E-mail Newsletter.
E-mail:mbrusman@workingresources.com . Type Subscribe Newsletter.
Voice: 415-546-1252 Web:www.workingresources.com
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