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Don't Worry, Be Happy
Adult Children of Substance Abusers –
Dealing with a Legacy of Family Dysfunction
It's a good thing that almost all of us worry. Think of worry
as a built-in alarm device. When it is used wisely, it alerts us
to danger and prompts us to navigate our way through a maze of
solutions to life's various problems. We need to think through
our options when we are faced with problems, weighing the benefits
and pitfalls of each alternative, and then come up with the best
solution. From there we take action which, we hope, solves the
problem. Worry is helpful when it is used at the right time and
at the right level for resolving our difficulties. Like many things
in life, however, too little worry, or too much of it, can be harmful.
Too little worry can result in impulsive
decisions which may result in unfortunate consequences. Indeed,
some people are high risk-takers who may not worry enough about
problems – they may win, but
just as often, they lose. Others avoid worry through substance
abuse or other addictive behavior and then lack the motivation
and insight to deal realistically with life's expected problems.
Similarly, a laid-back, come-what-may approach, while it has some
merits, sometimes suggests passivity and a lack of ability to participate
in the complexity of life's experiences.
As we all know, some people worry too much.
Rather than solving a problem, too much worry becomes the problem.
Not only does excessive worry create much personal suffering, but
it also affects the people around the worrier. Worry is a fairly
common, but potentially serious, condition. A recent survey suggests
that one-third of all office visits to primary-care physicians
are associated with some form of anxiety. Furthermore, it has been
estimated that one-fourth of all people, over the course of a lifetime,
will at some point suffer from symptoms associated with an anxiety-related
diagnosis. The stress which accompanies worry can have serious
physical implications, including an increased risk for blood pressure
and heart ailments, immune system deficiencies and cancer.
Most people who worry excessively are
well aware of their tendencies, although some simply view it
as their normal state of affairs. (Indeed,
some people like to worry because they feel that their mind is
more active and worry allows them to feel more in touch with
their inner experience.) The worrier is one who feels in jeopardy
but believes that he or she lacks the ability to take action
in the real world to solve the problem. Some people who worry
feel that if only they can think the problem through repetitively,
sometimes day after day, the problem will magically disappear.
And many people worry about things they have no control over
anyway. In truth, excessive worry does not solve problems – which
are actually cleared up by considering real options and then
taking action. Worriers harbor their problems in their imagination
and often cannot find a way break free to the stage of taking
action.
Many treatable conditions are associated
with worry. For some people,
worry is simply a habit or an entrenched way of dealing with
life's conflicts. But for others it is a symptom of an underlying
condition which may be amenable to psychotherapeutic and/or medication
intervention, such as –
| • |
Depression.
Ruminative worry, often with negative thinking, is one
of the primary symptoms of depression, along with sleep
and appetite changes, lethargy, isolation, and a loss of
pleasure in everyday life experiences. Fortunately, depression
responds well to psychotherapy or medication, and often
to a combination of the two. |
| • |
Panic
Disorder and Social Phobia. A
panic attack is worry taken to the extreme – a feeling
of terror accompanied by rapid heartbeat and fast breathing
along with a need to run away from the situation. The person
senses imminent doom. About 30 to 50 percent of the time;
panic attacks are accompanied by agoraphobia , which is
a fear of any public place where a dreaded panic attack
might occur, like crowds, driving, stores, restaurants
or elevators. Social phobia, on the other hand, involves
a fear of being the center of attention, like speaking
or eating in public. These conditions can be treated with
powerful psychotherapeutic tools, and sometimes antidepressant
or anti-anxiety medications can be a useful adjunct to
therapy. |
| • |
Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder. A person with OCD experiences unwanted and intrusive
thoughts ( obsessions ) and may feel a compulsion to engage
in rituals as a way of handling these unwanted thoughts.
Strange thoughts are fairly common for most people, but
when they are pervasive and seem uncontrollable and distressful,
psychotherapeutic interventions combined with antidepressant
medications can help to resolve the difficulty. |
| • |
Generalized
Anxiety Disorder. People with GAD lead fairly normal lives,
but they worry about things that most of us can brush off.
They find it difficult to let go of their worries, and
this may have a genetic or biological basis. For the person
with GAD, any event can prompt an automatic response to
interpret things in a negative and fearful way, and this
can lead to a cascade of worry. Psychotherapy is very effective
in helping a person learn to think positively and to let
go of distressing thoughts, and sometimes an anti-anxiety
medication can be used judiciously as an adjunct to therapy. |
| • |
Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder. Sometimes our old pain associated with
tragic experiences is difficult to let go of, especially
when these experiences have threatened our sense of integrity
and safety. A trauma can set the stage for worry for years
after the original event. Coming to terms with PTSD in
psychotherapy usually involves learning to talk about the
trauma, grieving the losses associated with the event and
finding ways to forgive. Some people with PTSD may also
benefit from medication during treatment. |
|
Tips for Managing Worry
| • |
Find
Connectedness. When we feel connected to something larger
than ourselves (a group of friends, our families, work,
a sense of the past, ideas, and religious or transcendent
faith), we are less likely to worry. |
| • |
Seek
Advice and Reassurance. We all need supportive feedback
from others from time to time. Other people may have solutions
to problems that we haven't thought about. For reassurance,
find people who know how to give it. Many of us spend a
lifetime looking in all the wrong places for approval! |
| • |
Understand
the Difference Between Good Worry and Unproductive Worry.
Good worry implies having a sense of control in solving
life's problems. It involves examining alternatives and
then coming up with a systematic plan for meeting a challenge.
Unproductive worry involves engaging in repetitively hashing
over the same ideas time and again, negative thoughts,
and no real plan for meeting the challenge. |
| • |
Try
to Do the Right Thing. Maintain
your sense of integrity whenever you do something. Tell
the truth. Obey the law. Keep to your promises. Let your
conscience be your guide. Granted, we might tell an occasional
lie or break a promise, and this is fairly common – but it also can set the
stage for worry. We may think sometimes that we can get
ahead in the world the easy way – but the price we
pay could be excessive worry, among other penalties. |
| • |
Sleep
and Eat Properly. Lack
of sleep and a nutritious diet can make us irritable, distracted,
and anxious – all
conditions which set the stage for worry. (Try to be mindful
of the problem of overeating, however, as a way of making
your worries disappear.) |
| • |
Exercise.
Try to get at least half an hour of aerobic exercise every
other day (this could be walking in your neighborhood).
Exercise helps us dissipate the anxiety that often accompanies
worry. |
| • |
Avoid
Substance Abuse. Drugs and alcohol may give the illusion
of comfort for the time being, but using them has negative
long-term consequences. They increase depression, cloud
your judgment, and may give you something to really worry
about later. |
| • |
Add
Structure to Your Life. Worry is often related to disorganization.
Make a list of things to do each day and cross off tasks
once they are completed. Leave early enough to make appointments
on time. Put your keys in the same place every time you
come home. Keep your house straightened up. When things
are under control, there is less to worry about. |
| • |
Minimize
Catastrophic Thinking. Some people find it difficult to
keep perspective when faced with even a minor stressor.
Not every mole means cancer and not every bill is going
to lead to bankruptcy. Test out the reality of these situations
by talking them over with a trusted friend. |
| • |
Keep
a Pad by Your Bed and Make a Note of a Problem. Rather
than tossing and turning all night as you worry about a
problem, jot down a note about the problem and resolve
to get to sleep – and then consider the problem in
the light of the next day.
|
| • |
Limit
Your Exposure to the News. Although there is value in keeping
up with the latest news, understand that the media focus
on bad news since this tends to sell best. We seldom hear
about the good news in the world on TV or newspapers. Constant
exposure to negative events increases our tendency to worry.
Instead, look for what is good in life. |
| • |
Keep
Yourself Financially Secure. Live below your means and
put money into a savings account. Pay off credit card debts.
Consider ways to live more simply as a way of managing
your finances. |
| • |
Learn
the Value of Judicious Complaining. Sometimes it helps
to talk your way through a problem by complaining about
it. Find a trusted friend and just let it all out. And
then have a good laugh about it afterwards. If a friend
is not available, write out your complaints. |
| • |
Learn
how to Let Go of Worries. This
is a skill which might require some practice, and each
of us will have our way of doing it. Some people do this
by allowing themselves perhaps half an hour a day of worry
time – and at the end
of the allotted time period, they will be free of worrying
until the next day. Some people give up their worries by
writing them down on a piece of paper and then tearing
up the paper. Some people prefer to hand them over to a
higher power. |
| • |
Don't
Sweat the Small Stuff. And, in a sense, if you think about
it, it's almost all small stuff. |
|
"History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived,
but, if faced with courage, need not be lived again." – Maya
Angelou
Working
Resources is a Leadership Consulting, Training and Executive
Coaching Firm Helping Companies Assess, Select, Coach and Retain
Emotionally Intelligent People; Emotional Intelligence-Based Interviewing
and Selection; Multi-Rater 360-Degree Feedback; Career Coaching;
Change Management; Corporate Culture Surveys and Executive Coaching.
Dr. Maynard Brusman
Consulting Psychologist and Executive Coach
Trusted Advisor to Senior Leadership Teams
Subscribe to Working Resources FREE E-mail Newsletter.
E-mail:mbrusman@workingresources.com . Type Subscribe Newsletter.
Voice: 415-546-1252 Web:www.workingresources.com
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